232lbs at 25 years old, a former athlete, mother and bride to be. I had never been so ashamed. Not so much about the number, as the fact that I had simply sat back and allowed it to happen. I had been present for every mouthful, every midnight snack, every munchies binge. I had denied myself every opportunity for exercise, playing with the kids, walking the dog.
Anyone who knew me saw me as a motivator, disciplined, driven and strong. I am all of those things. However during that period in my life, I was also hurting a lot. We all have our excuses: the "I got fat because's"...
- I was born big boned
- I really just love cooking
- My significant other likes a little meat on the bones
- I have an old injury so I couldn't exercise even if I wanted to
- I only gained weight because I got pregnant
That was my go to excuse. With my first son I gained 71lbs, but lost most of it rather quickly so I chalked it up to simply pregnancy weight gain. With my second son I gained another whopping 83lbs, landing me at the dreadful 232lb mark. For the next three years I stayed some where between there and 200lbs.
On my wedding day I was still 201lbs, not what every little girl dreams of for her special day. And still everyone assured me it was just "baby weight", and it would come off soon.
The truth was, due to past and present issues I was in a lot of pain. Guilt, resentment, distrust and most importantly self degradation. There's a reason they call it comfort food. When I was sad or angry I turned to food: brownies, waffles, chips and chocolate. Anything that made me feel satisfied, comforted...happy. But like most mood enhancing substances, the euphoria only lasted until reality crashed down. I was still extremely over weight and extremely unhappy.
On a solo trip to New Orleans in 2012, surrounded by culture, history and lots of delicious food I came to the conclusion that if I ever wanted to be happy again and live a fulfilling life I just had to start, and NOT quit. Deal with the issues instead of burying them beneath pounds of food. Coming home I resolved to rebuild relationships, and just BE happy with the amazing family/life I had built for myself.
When I found out I was pregnant with my third son, I had already made the decision to get healthy and so I was very determined to control my weight gain. Gaining only 30lbs it put me right back at 230lbs. And the weight of it was suffocating. Since November 2012 (1 month after he was born) I have lost that 30lbs but I still have a long way to go.
By writing this blog through out my weightloss I hope to discover more about myself, and in turn hope to motivate others to do it for themselves.
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister and best friend. I am young, passionate and determined.
Welcome to my journey!
XOXO E.B.
No comments:
Post a Comment